I'm not the fish... but maybe a plant in the tank.

It' a rather remarkable feeling, to be free from any real control apart from my own. That hardly means that I am about to become the menace of society that might be amusing from my sole perspective. It does however mean that my time to think and plan has been in abundance for the first time that I can ever recall. No my world wasn't repressing, but it was certainly a place where the word freedom didn't have as much power as it now does. Quite honestly I love the moment I should despise. Why on earth am I enjoying a moment where everything is finally up to me and me alone?

To put it quite frankly, I love my world, and I love the mere thought that quite soon it will begin to change by my own hand. Not governing powers, or power figures that have their fingers pulling the strings that I should have cut long ago. No moments where I have to sigh in irritation because someone else made me a plan I didn't agree to... hopefully that is. I think it's a world that not only will I enjoy, but most of my friends around me who are in a very alike situation will thrive.

To be honest these past few days, while they have not been the direct best of my life, are some of the most changing. I won't forget those who've sharpen me until this point into the keen tool unlike most. I would love to thank them, but I've convinced myself that by doing so I'd be admitting that they are done chipping off parts of my that don't belong in this new image. You know who you are, and quite honestly I hope none of you lose your steely resolve that has made this stone slightly less ignorant on how it'd like it's world to work. It's the new friends that don't scare me, but make me wonder just what parts they plan to change. Call it careful observation for the time being, I'm usually the person who surveys the situation... and then when I trust those around me I become less planned.

These past few days have been something else, my dorm life is something I think I've been burning quietly for since the day I thought it might be possible. It's rather amazing as far as I am concerned, and while some key points of my life haven't changed, others have. For the first time I wasn't afraid to have a good time and laugh as hard as everyone else. For the first time I didn't mind laughing at those around me. Most importantly though, for the first time I realized that there are a million girls out there, and while some may not be amazing as those I've liked in the past they are a change of pace I adore. Take for example Sarah, no not one most who might read this would know, but a new one. I don't think she'd have talked to me if it were still the high school days, but now the playing field is slowly evening, or at least it feels like it. Honestly it's refreshing to be talking to a girl who is so different, to see her smile about dumb little things that I might have not noticed before. I do have a strange soft spot for the little things.

Anyway, I know I should say sorry for the horrible grammar you all have endured to read a little about my life. I doubt this will be the end, perhaps at some point you'll all catch a bit about me you didn't know.

-Ir